Friday, April 10, 2009

Date Rape: The New Funny

Seth Rogen, you are a douchebag. I just saw the trailer, and I wanted to barf. If the trailer's that horrific, I can't imagine the movie is any better.

I won't post the link, but you can find it on Feministing. Don't look for the R-rated trailer on YouTube--the comments section will make you physically ill.

While I have a lethal sense of humor, I still don't understand how date rape can be considered humor. Yes, it is date rape, and no, I will not debate this. As Dr. Phil says, "It is what it is."

Call it seeing the forest for the trees. Or, in this case, trees running around with gigantic signs with trees on them in a tree parade with a huge banner that says "TREES RULE".

But, maybe I'm being too harsh. (In other words, I'm being too Chai Latte.) Perhaps date rape is hilarious after all, and not the serious breach of trust that we cranky feminists believe it to be.

....provided, of course, that you're the one wielding The Peen.

Seth Rogen, you are an asshole and I hate you. Please join Kyle Payne in his Human Torch routine ASAP.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Kyle Payne, you suck like a Hoover

On the off-chance you're actually interested in redemption (the real hard stuff, as Hugo Schwyzer writes), I have an idea.

Step 1: Douse yourself with kerosene
Step 2: Admit that you are a hypocrite and sexual predator.
Step 3: Set up your webcam.
Step 4: Light a match.

It might not actually vindicate you, but at least you'll be serving a useful purpose for once, keeping others warm. And it might be entertaining for the rest of us.

Yes, I'm sadistic that way. But then, remember you're reading the blog of a woman who believes that abusive men should be shot in the street like the rabid dogs they are. Extreme? Totally, but so is beating someone to death and/or killing their spirit with words and manipulations.


Oh, and if I ever see you anywhere IRL? Start. Running.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I Choose Life--for me, and women everywhere. Because we MATTER, dammit.

Apparently some people I knew from high school have gone from vaguely irrititating Catholics to hardcore forced-birth aficionados. (Oh, excuse me...I hear they're calling themselves 'pro-life' these days.)

I get CHOOSE LIFE avatars. Choose life? Already did--mine. My life takes precedence.

But wait, aren't women all maternal and loving and gentle and self-sacrificing? I think maybe I'm some kind of alien life form, then. Hopefully from a more egalitarian planet--hey, I can dream!

What really grated my cheese was this oh-so-charming, overly simplistic tale of religious right-wing condescension. For your sanity as well as mine, I've added my own comments in bold.

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'Ok, and what do you want me to do? This is only my FIELD, after all! An ob/gyn can't possibly be expected to deal with women who have sex!'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' Though she may want to check and make sure he didn't get his medical license through the power of prayer alone.

The doctor thought for a little (which would explain the smell of burning wood, I suppose--yeah, cheap shot, I know) , and after some silence he said to the lady:'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you, too.' The doctor smirked inwardly. "Haha, the foolish slattern! The audacity of women to think that they--actual, realized human beings--matter more than a cluster of cells!"

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Because we're so dumb that we smile about abortion all the time! Heck, we're rarely NOT smiling about it! We have theme parties and everything! It's like OMGSOMUCH FUN!

...IS there a medical procedure that falls into the 'fun' category? 'Cause I haven't encountered it. ESPECIALLY not in the gynocology category.

Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. Heaven forbid that your husband should have to lend a freakin' hand! If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms...why do I randomly trail off into ellipses in midsentence? And of course, you should know by now that your body is meaningless, you shallow slut! The lady was horrified and said: 'No, doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!'' But apparently, it's not a crime to force a person to give birth against their will.

And I could be wrong here, but killing in general is considered a crime. Unless they're transsexual or gay, of course.

Guess what else, Forced-Birthers? Only the woman gets to decide whether it's 'alive' or not. There's a world of difference between a growing cluster of cells inside the womb, and a live, born child.

'I agree', the doctor replied. 'I am so much cleverer than you, you audacious, immoral little hoyden! See how I address you as though you were a stubborn eight-year-old! But you seemed to be okay with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.'

The best solution? Get a damn second opinion, lady. And file a complaint about this condescending assbag. I love how he doesn't even ask how far along she is! Maybe his medical degree DID come from the power of prayer.

Or, as is more likely, a Crackerjack box.

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. Religious men, with their long and glorious history of respecting the lives and personhood of women, are natural authorities on how said women should manage their reproductive health! Of course! /sarcasm> He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb.

No, he didn't. He guilted and slut-shamed a vulnerable person using emotional and moral blackmail.

Fuck, if he was going to suggest that she give birth a second time, he should have offered to babysit the kid he so badly wanted to be born!

The crime is the same! What crime? The ethical crime committed by the prejudiced and clearly misogynistic doctor? It's pretty obvious he thinks women are emotional children who need big, strong, righteous menfolk to tell us when to have babies.

The thing that kills me is that this was on the Facebook pages of two WOMEN. UGH. Can we please stop shooting ourselves in the foot, ladies? It won't stop at abortion--these conservatives want to manage EVERY ASPECT of our reproductive lives.

I know--sounds like a crazy conspiracy theory, right? Brought to you by your local paranoid feminist blogger? And yet, the proof comes in daily!

Let me brake it down for you, my dear neocon ladies:

1. Why do you think so badly of other women that you would deny them reproductive choices? Do you simply not trust them? Does the Patrix have you? If so, it's okay! We have red pills available in stores now!

2. Why do you not value the life of the woman? You go on and on about the sanctity of life, but you seem content to sacrifice the lives of your fellow women! I read the other day about a woman in Nicaragua (where abortion is illegal) who had an illegal abortion, and bled to death. You think she was immoral? Even if she was, did she deserve to die so horribly for some outdated, sexist ideology?

3. If so, explain to me how you can possibly say (with a straight face) that you value life. It may surprise you to find that women are, in fact, alive. And their lives take precedence. And you have no platform or authority to say that they don't.

4. Why is that, you ask? Because you are clearly willing to sell out desperate and vulnerable people in order to raise yourself up on a fluffy cloud of moral superiority. That, to me, suggests that you do not in fact value life at all.

5. The point is, if you don't value the lives of WOMEN, you cannot call yourself pro-life. Pro-fetus, maybe? Pro-forced birth? Anti-choice? At least get a name that reflects the ideology you actually support.

My point? Women are people. Fetuses (feti?) are not.

Hey, I can do simplistic too! Whaddaya know?

Sunday, March 8, 2009


Dear Menfolk, 20 and over:

I know stuff.

I do NOT need to be educated on politics. I can and do educate my own damn self with my IMPRESSIVE ability to READ and ABSORB. I have the SAT scores to prove I'm quite proficient at that.

Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I'm wrong, or somehow unable (due to presence of uterus and/or lack of age?) to process your line of thinking.

I am in fact capable of understanding your perspective. I just think it's bullshit.

This does not make me wrong.

And ESPECIALLY if you're a white guy.....shut up about racism. And sexism. You have absolutely no say in what constitutes racism and sexism, and what does not. People of color and women are supposed to do that. Because IT AFFECTS US DIRECTLY.

Stop telling us we're biased. Please. You just sound like an ass. It's the OTHER WAY AROUND, morons. Seriously, how have you survived this long?

So stop telling us we're 'just too sensitive' already. Put on your big boy pants, and admit that you don't know everything. It's OKAY. REALLY.


That is all.

Seethingly (not) yours,


Saturday, March 7, 2009

Great Women

So, I read on Feministe about a list of 100 Great Women. That made me want to create my own, though I'm not sure I can come up with the full 100---I have yet to read THAT many books. I'll give it a go, though.

Chai's List of Great Women, Part I

1. Wu Zhetian
2. Lady Murasaki Shikibu
3. Marie Curie
4. Frida Kahlo
5. Grace O'Malley
6. Tomoe Gozen
7. The Gulabi Gang
8. Mary Cassatt
9. Boadicea
10. Empress Livia
11. Artemisia Gentileschi
12. Joan of Arc
13. Amelia Earhart
14. Lady Fu Hao
15. Judith
16. Zenobia.

Any other suggestions?

Friday, February 27, 2009

I don't hate men!!!!111

I'm so tired of being expected to say this after informing someone that I am a feminist. I also tire of having to explain that no, being a feminist does not mean that you hate men.

You know what, though? Sometimes I kind of do hate men.


Draw me, quarter me, feed me to the wolves---but never say I lied to you.

I'm jealous of the power they hold, and furious that half the time they refuse to even acknowledge it--rather, they try to convince us that sexism and misogyny are all in our pretty little heads. As if our female-ness is somehow reality-proof. (Oh, if only.) And it WORKS.

Men do this in varying degrees, and nearly always without even thinking about it. Some are more overt than others, but the basic mentality remains the same. That's why I'm so skeptical of those odd creatures known as male feminists. Don't get me wrong, I'm not denying their existence nor their beliefs. (I'm also pretty sure ghosts exist, and possibly Bigfoot as well.)

"But Chai Latte, how could you?" you ask. "Men are victims of the patriarchy, too!"

Yeah, sure. But they're complacent--they benefit too much from the patriarchal system to really be motivated to change very much. No matter how much they might love us, they're not going to change the system unless it benefits THEM to do so. And guess what? That hurts. And pain leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to....oh crap, I fucked that one up. Look, I haven't seen Star Wars in about ten years, okay? Leave me alone.

Though the thought of someone force-choking Rush Limbaugh or any of his ilk has serious entertainment potential.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Revolutionary Road and Trollery


The movie is about a young suburban couple in the 1950s, who dream of something beyond the tedium of their daily lives. Kate Winslet's character, April, is getting an absurd amount of hate on the forums. Because she yells at her husband instead of being properly grateful to him for...uh...being weak-willed. For cheating on her. For telling her to keep the child neither of them wanted. For putting his masculinity/power ahead of his partner's happiness. He's not the Antichrist, but he does suck quite a bit.April is a dreamer, but she is willing to work to change things. She suffered from what Betty Freidan called 'the problem with no name'.

If you've studied 1950s history, you'll know that this was virtual pandemic of severe depression among women (normally housewives). Hell, if I had to stare at a white Formica table and service some entitled douchebag for the rest of MY life, I might go off the deep end too. Suppression of a dream can really fuck with you. Yeah, I know---you have to be realistic too, but there is always some kind of balance to be found. That is something I truly believe. It is within all humans to find this balance. But these comments drive me bananas! My personal fave is the thread about why women and girls are so bitchy, only wanting what they can't have and being shallow and...(wait for it!)make the poor menz work for EVERYTHING.

Did you know guys are entitled to sex at all times? I didn't. Maybe that explains why I've been dumped twice. But yeesh, the level of misogyny present was horrifying. I kinda feel the need to shower after that experience. I know where I'M not going again! *shudder*

Oh yeah--people on this forum ask why April was so irrational. Why she wasn't grateful. I suspect that some people still have this pipe dream that people were DIFFERENT (read: cleaner, nicer, whiter) back then. They weren't! They were just like us, only with fewer options--and way more crippling social backlash if they tried to create their own.Which is essentially April's fate.

That's another thing--she tries to abort (abortion was still illegal then), which is something else the trollfolk seem to believe damns April. I honestly don't agree. First off, the insinuation that this desperate woman somehow deserved to die is sickening. This is why abortion is legal now--no, not because we want to kill teh preshus babeez---we want to save WOMEN. Because sure, their fetus might turn into the next Barack Obama. But my question is this--why does this same logic not apply to the woman in question? Could she be destined for greatness? Why is she worth less? That's one question I've never had answered to my satisfaction.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Girls hate comics. I know because a guy told me!

After Thera Pitt's post on why we need female superheroes, I was thrown into confusion. But...but...girls don't like comics! They're for BOYS, everyone knows that! Women all are supposed to watch Sex and the City like good little girls, never looking beyond or wanting anything different. Obviously, all women think EXACTLY the same way! I bet you didn't know.

So thank goodness for Josh Tyler! In his infinite wisdom, he posted this article, titled “Why We Don't Need Female Superheroes”. Phew!

Thank you, Josh! All this time we wimminfolk were thinking WE knew what we wanted. And THEN we had the gall to think that we're, y'know, individual people with varieties of interest. Fortunately, Josh has told me that I am not in fact a man (because I have no acquaintance with my own body, obviously!) and that I should only be interested in romance.

I love romance. But...but...I fantasize about kicking ass all the time! Occasionally in costume! And...oh God, so do nearly all of my female friends! Every girlfriend on my comics forum! Oh Josh, please help! What's wrong with me??? Why oh why am I continually drawn to the creations of Joss Whedon? Why am I obsessed with the 'magical girl' genre of manga? Why do I own the Underworld movies and fantasize about owning my very own leather duster and Berettas? And most importantly, why am I dying for the Wonder Woman movie to get made already???

I am so grateful to you, Josh! As we all know, we women are an impossible-to-understand gender. Thusly, only men are capable of speaking for us! I'm really surprised that you even had to write this article—isn't it common knowledge?

Back off, girls! Josh Tyler is MINE! :D


/end sarcasm>

I know. I am evil incarnate, but damn if it isn't fun.

....this guy is a sexist asshole. “Women aren't interested”? How the fuck would he know? Check your pants, Tyler. Do you see a vagina? Then the phrase “Women aren't interested” should never, ever leave your lips.

Women are not considered the majority of comic book readers because we are not an acknowledged part of the demographic. This has never made sense to me, but seems to make perfect sense to all of those 18-34 menfolk IN the demographic, who are puzzled as to my anger at having nothing to read.

Hey, guys? Can you look beyond your own privilege for just a second here? That would be juuuust greeaaaaaat.

The fact that women are not the demographic, gents, is a lazy-ass argument. And I have no intention of tolerating it anymore. I've heard it so often I'm considering making a drinking game out of it. (Sorta like this game of Anti-Feminist Comics Bingo. Hey, don't knock it! Bingo is badass, yo.)

What I wonder is why women are not widely considered as even part of the demographic. It's pretty stupid—women embraced Wonder Woman with open arms during the feminist movement of the 1970s. That she was created by and essentially for men didn't matter. We made her our own, and still consider her to be so. The reason that Wonder Woman is so crazy popular even today is because her appeal was universal—both men and women alike adored her.

That said, why aren't there more like her? I really don't get it---if comic book writers worked harder at making their creations more unisex, they'd make twice the money! And if they marketed creations for and by women, why, they'd appeal to the 'invisible' demographic of women, aged 18-34, who are willing to eat up anything sent their way. They could be making like twenty times the money they do, even in the middle of a fucking recession. Thus, the argument that female comic fans don't exist or are a minority is rendered officially stupid. Just because you don't acknowledge somthing doesn't mean they don't exist.

If I refuse to acknowledge Tyler and his moronic views, do they cease to exist? Based on my attempts, the answer is probably not.

As has been noted in the past, I don't handle stupidity well. Or Josh Tyler's amazing condescension. Nothing annoys me more than stupid people who act like they're smarter than me. Hey Josh—you're not all that smart. A truly smart person has the ability to pull their head out of their ass and see beyond their own interests.

So Josh, you just keep using your head as a buttplug. Once you wash the santorum from your hair, you might try taking some other points of view into consideration, rather than just dismissing them as you have been doing, based on the responses to your article.

Please note the success of Buffy—not just the TV show, which was hugely popular in its heyday—but the spinoff comic books. Guess who that appeals to?

Our pal Josh claims that Buffy isn't a superhero. I guess because her powers aren't the result of radiation? (Oh, sorry—genetic engineering?) Or because she doesn't wear a costume, maybe?

Buffy isn't a superhero to Josh because he did not deem her as such. It is only a fact if it comes from HIS mouth. His responses to the comments under his article are testament to that.

A note to Josh and all his ilk—if you want to express your privileged position as the target audience, fine. But don't EVER tell me—or any other woman who craves a female superhero to relate to—that it's because we don't know ourselves
or what we want.

You don't know us. You don't speak for us. You have absolutely no right to claim that you do.

Fuck you.