I Choose Life--for me, and women everywhere. Because we MATTER, dammit.

Apparently some people I knew from high school have gone from vaguely irrititating Catholics to hardcore forced-birth aficionados. (Oh, excuse me...I hear they're calling themselves 'pro-life' these days.)

I get CHOOSE LIFE avatars. Choose life? Already did--mine. My life takes precedence.

But wait, aren't women all maternal and loving and gentle and self-sacrificing? I think maybe I'm some kind of alien life form, then. Hopefully from a more egalitarian planet--hey, I can dream!

What really grated my cheese was this oh-so-charming, overly simplistic tale of religious right-wing condescension. For your sanity as well as mine, I've added my own comments in bold.



A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'Ok, and what do you want me to do? This is only my FIELD, after all! An ob/gyn can't possibly be expected to deal with women who have sex!'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' Though she may want to check and make sure he didn't get his medical license through the power of prayer alone.

The doctor thought for a little (which would explain the smell of burning wood, I suppose--yeah, cheap shot, I know) , and after some silence he said to the lady:'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you, too.' The doctor smirked inwardly. "Haha, the foolish slattern! The audacity of women to think that they--actual, realized human beings--matter more than a cluster of cells!"

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Because we're so dumb that we smile about abortion all the time! Heck, we're rarely NOT smiling about it! We have theme parties and everything! It's like OMGSOMUCH FUN!

...IS there a medical procedure that falls into the 'fun' category? 'Cause I haven't encountered it. ESPECIALLY not in the gynocology category.

Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. Heaven forbid that your husband should have to lend a freakin' hand! If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms...why do I randomly trail off into ellipses in midsentence? And of course, you should know by now that your body is meaningless, you shallow slut! The lady was horrified and said: 'No, doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!'' But apparently, it's not a crime to force a person to give birth against their will.

And I could be wrong here, but killing in general is considered a crime. Unless they're transsexual or gay, of course.

Guess what else, Forced-Birthers? Only the woman gets to decide whether it's 'alive' or not. There's a world of difference between a growing cluster of cells inside the womb, and a live, born child.

'I agree', the doctor replied. 'I am so much cleverer than you, you audacious, immoral little hoyden! See how I address you as though you were a stubborn eight-year-old! But you seemed to be okay with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.'

The best solution? Get a damn second opinion, lady. And file a complaint about this condescending assbag. I love how he doesn't even ask how far along she is! Maybe his medical degree DID come from the power of prayer.

Or, as is more likely, a Crackerjack box.

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. Religious men, with their long and glorious history of respecting the lives and personhood of women, are natural authorities on how said women should manage their reproductive health! Of course! /sarcasm> He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb.

No, he didn't. He guilted and slut-shamed a vulnerable person using emotional and moral blackmail.

Fuck, if he was going to suggest that she give birth a second time, he should have offered to babysit the kid he so badly wanted to be born!

The crime is the same! What crime? The ethical crime committed by the prejudiced and clearly misogynistic doctor? It's pretty obvious he thinks women are emotional children who need big, strong, righteous menfolk to tell us when to have babies.

The thing that kills me is that this was on the Facebook pages of two WOMEN. UGH. Can we please stop shooting ourselves in the foot, ladies? It won't stop at abortion--these conservatives want to manage EVERY ASPECT of our reproductive lives.

I know--sounds like a crazy conspiracy theory, right? Brought to you by your local paranoid feminist blogger? And yet, the proof comes in daily!

Let me brake it down for you, my dear neocon ladies:

1. Why do you think so badly of other women that you would deny them reproductive choices? Do you simply not trust them? Does the Patrix have you? If so, it's okay! We have red pills available in stores now!

2. Why do you not value the life of the woman? You go on and on about the sanctity of life, but you seem content to sacrifice the lives of your fellow women! I read the other day about a woman in Nicaragua (where abortion is illegal) who had an illegal abortion, and bled to death. You think she was immoral? Even if she was, did she deserve to die so horribly for some outdated, sexist ideology?

3. If so, explain to me how you can possibly say (with a straight face) that you value life. It may surprise you to find that women are, in fact, alive. And their lives take precedence. And you have no platform or authority to say that they don't.

4. Why is that, you ask? Because you are clearly willing to sell out desperate and vulnerable people in order to raise yourself up on a fluffy cloud of moral superiority. That, to me, suggests that you do not in fact value life at all.

5. The point is, if you don't value the lives of WOMEN, you cannot call yourself pro-life. Pro-fetus, maybe? Pro-forced birth? Anti-choice? At least get a name that reflects the ideology you actually support.

My point? Women are people. Fetuses (feti?) are not.

Hey, I can do simplistic too! Whaddaya know?